Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Christmas is Coming
Whether I am in the mood or not (definitely not, at the moment), Dec 25th will be here before we know it. In the meantime, there are things to be done to get ready for Christmas. For one thing, there are parties to be dealt with. Our company party is this Friday afternoon. I had a great time at the party last year and we're going back to the same place this year, so it should be fun but... This Saturday is our family Christmas gathering and that should be fun too, I love my family and we usually only get together twice a year so I'd really like to see everyone but...at the moment, I'm just not feeling in a party kind of mood.
Sometimes, it's best to not do certain things and sometimes you have to force yourself to go anyway, and oftentimes, you end up having a better time than you thought you would. I guess that's true of many social events most of the time, whether or not you're grieving a loss but it seems even more true when you are. Although I have to say, the thought of going to a social function and having to make conversation with dozens of people seems like it will probably require more energy than I can muster up right now.
Grief is powerful emotion and you can't just turn it off and on. You may not be aware of it every minute of every day but it's always there, lurking under the surface. Every now and then, it hits you with a powerful force, sometimes at the most unexpected moments. It seems to go hand in hand with a low grade feeling of depression, at least for me in these early days. It takes a lot of energy just to get through the day and function semi-normally. I don't have the luxury of not showing up at work so I get up out of bed, I get dressed, I go in, I do what I can and by the end of the day, I'm ready to go home and do...nothing.
Only Christmas is coming so there are things that have to be done, presents to be bought or made and wrapped, cards to be written and mailed, parcels to be put together and mailed and last but not least, desserts to be made (more about that tomorrow).
As for the parties, I'm leaving my options open. I'm pretty much guaranteed to go to the family party but the company function is completely optional as far as I'm concerned right now. We'll see how I feel when Friday comes around. One day at a time.
(grief is rarely pretty but how beautiful is that angel photo above? Found via Google Images, located on the mahalo.com website, photo by Stefano Pizzetti)