Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Life's Ups and Downs

I'm having one of those days. Actually, a series of days over the past couple of weeks that, to me, seem to resemble this piece of quilting that is on display at the Royal Ontario Museum:

Apparently, this is what is known in quilting circles as a Baby Block design and it is described as being "sewn in silks pieced from dress and ribbon fabrics. Dark velvet is uniformly used for one face of the tumbling block pattern, creating a powerful optical depth. Such patchwork quilts offer interesting records of the textiles of the period - in this case the type of dress fabrics worn in a small Ontario town in the middle of the 19th century. It was probably part of the trousseau of Laura Abigail Fuller, who married Justice Thomas Moore Benson of Port Hope in 1874."

It's the block pattern that really resonates with me right now. It seems as if things are happening in my life that are one step forward, one step back, one step up, another step down. Kind of like that "push me, pull you" of Dr. Dolittle's. Learning of an unexpected windfall, only to have to spend an equal or greater amount of money on an unforeseen circumstance. Looking forward to an upcoming trip, only to hear that a friend won't be able to come after all and missing her presence already. Being happy that a friend has found someone to share his life with but wondering if it will ever happen for me. Missing a former love so much sometimes I can almost feel the scar in my heart tearing open again and yet knowing that what I really miss is the ideal of that relationship, not the reality. Wanting to move forward into the future and being afraid to let go of the past. Knowing I have absolutely everything I need for today and yet worrying it won't be enough for tomorrow. Feeling an overwhelming urge to create something and yet being afraid to make anything.

I don't usually blog about things this close to my heart but I have to thank Stephanie Lee ( for her oh-so-honest post today on this very topic that inspired me to put these words out there. Sometimes, you just need to say something out loud for others to hear to make it feel a little better. As Stephanie says, sometimes you just need to get it out of your system. Not every day is like this for me, thankfully most days aren't. But some days are and sometimes you just have to let yourself live in the shadow for a little while before it's time to move back into the sunlight.


debi said...

To have joy we need sadness to have light we need darkness. Please don't spend to much time in the darkness, rest when you need to. Today should be a lovely sunny day and come out and play.

Sharon said...

The pendulum will swing the other way very soon my Friend. Sending lots of love to you.

Heather O said...

Damn that Stephanie Lee...she's good.
Cynthia, you're so brave, writing an open page about what's in your heart. All the single men in the world are missing out on one incredible woman...YOU. I am sending you, my dear sweet friend, waves of love and laughter...and maybe a marshmallow in the head!

Cynthia of Cynful Creations said...

Thank you, my dear friends, I appreciate your words of encouragement.